Part Two, originally published January 15, 2015
(Begin with Part One of the Family Connection series here)
A teenage girl who visited her little brother in a Russian orphanage with gifts of candy has inhabited the shadows of my vivid imagination for 13 years. The teen is now 30 years old, the little boy, my son Roma, is now 20.
While I am talking about my son Roma . . . he kept us alert and on our toes in 2014. Readers are still visiting and commenting about The Hound of Heaven Winks and subsequent posts of how God relentlessly pursues this young man. On one vulnerable day in a year of power struggles, my strong-willed boy confessed that he wished we could find Liana. After years of not appearing even curious about her, he exposed his profound loss.
In 2014 I joined more adoption groups to share what I have learned and to learn from the experience of others. From one of my adoption groups, in November, I learned about VK.com, the equivalent of Facebook for speakers of the Russian language. According to the website, 100 million use VK.com. It was worth a try before I spent upwards of $2000 to begin a search that might not succeed.
In late November I opened a VK.com account and stalked the site, but found no Liana Sudzhashvili, her name in 2002. On my new wall, which I opened under Roma’s former name, I posted photos of him when he was little, and carefully crafted a text stating when and where he was adopted, and my desire to locate his Russian family. If anyone searched his name, they might stumble across his/my page. Then I forgot about it until Roma was due home on December 20.
I checked back on “our” account. No activity. I stalked again, looking in Mozdok and Vladikavkaz. There were a few subscribers with the name Sudzhashvili in Roma’s original hometown! Cousins? But no Liana. When Roma came home, after he got settled, I showed him the account and suggested he request some friends. It is overwhelming when everything has to be translated from English to Russian, but thankfully there are websites for that purpose. As excited as I was about the idea, Roma feigned indifference. Really, Roma just wanted to see his friends.
With a house full at Christmas, I forgot.
On December 29th, I told Roma, if he wasn’t going to investigate more, I was. He said I could, if I wanted to, but he was not interested right then. Those were his exact words, so I had his permission. So I did. I sent friend requests to every member of VK.com who had the same last name as his birth name. Surprisingly, it wasn’t nearly as many as I thought, for a country the size of Russia and surrounding countries! One hundred million users! Since I had his permission, sort of, I added more photos of him, through the years, up to the most recent. I wrote as if I were Roma, because I had his permission. I said I was looking for family, especially my sister Liana. I said a prayer, and posted it all, in English. His region of Russian is eight hours behind us. Everyone slept as my friend requests alerted mailboxes.
The next day, December 30, was busy, with family home for the holidays. When my daughter, Kellie, her husband, and five children met friends for lunch, I headed to check on my VK status. I had six new friends! Two messages!
One messaged, “Who are you?” (He had obviously NOT read my informative status!)
Another “friend,” Eduard, messaged, “Hi. Do you speak rushing language”
The messages were from hours ago. I answered the second one.
Trying to be very simple with my English, I wrote, “No. I was only seven. I only speak English now.” (I felt silly in the conversation, pretending to be Roma. I’ve always only spoken English, and some people think that sounds funny because of my Southern accent!)
He messaged back. “I speak English very poorly. Are you my brother?” (perhaps translation difficulty? Cousin maybe?)
I had a live one, so I continued, “No, my brother is Rostilav, age 15. I am looking for family.”
Eduard messaged back, “My father says you are Liana’s brother.”
I sat stunned, covered with chill bumps, tears burning my eyes as I studied the words. Then I typed breathlessly but carefully, “YES, Liana is my sister. 30 years old? Do you know her? I haven’t seen her since I was seven. But she was very good to me.”
Eduard: “Of course I know her. she is my aunt. sorry that didn’t answer right away, I was busy.”
I suspect Eduard and his father were checking me Roma out. I can only imagine what was happening with this family so far away at almost 11 pm, their time.
Eduard: “I asked my father. He said you are his nephew.”
Then Eduard sent a link. I clicked on it. It was another VK account with a photo of a pretty young woman in sunglasses. The name was not Liana. I studied the wall. The birthday was wrong. I knew Liana’s birth date. I was careful not to be deceived.
Me: ” That is not Liana, wrong birthday.”
Eduard: “page her husband but it’s on this page is she on photo”
Me: “Send her my page and photo. See if she recognizes me.”
Eduard “I’ll call you, don’t worry everything will be fine. It’s late tonight, tomorrow I’ll call ok?”
Me: “That’s right, it is night time there. Thank you so much!”
Eduard: “Glad to help you.”
Roma arrived home at this point in this frantic encounter, I met him as at the door, grabbed him and tried quickly to fill him in on the details as we walked into my study. He was a textbook “deer in the headlights” as he was trying to process this development. I led him to the desktop computer and sat him down as I was explaining. “Read and answer,” I commanded. And Roma, never a compliant child, sat, read, and answered, not even minding me hanging over his shoulder to read along.
Roma: “So you are my cousin?”
Sweet Eduard, ready for bed: “You are my relative, know it.”
Roma: “okay talk to you tomorrow.”
Eduard, “No problem brother. Sorry for my English.”
Then suddenly there was a friend request from the girl in the sunglasses. Remember, it is after bedtime in Russia.
Roma finished his message to Eduard: “Haha I dont’t speak any Russian anymore” and accepted the friend request.
Eduard: “not anything to worry about . . . Liana you a friendship sent.”
Roma: “yeah, I got it.”
Eduard: “Chat”
Roma: “What?”
Eduard: “Communicate with her.”
(Sometimes Eduard’s English was better than Roma’s!)
Roma: “I just did”
Eduard: “Do you have a translator?”
Roma is asking me, and I explain about translator sites on the web.
Roma: “Computer translates, so yes.
Then he switched to Liana.
Roma’s and Liana’s messaging, even with the awkwardness of translator was very sweet and intimate. I tiptoed out to give him some privacy for this raw and tender moment.
Kellie and her family returned while he was still in the study, busy at my computer. I met her at the door and whispered, “Roma is messaging Liana.” She looked into the office through the closed glass doors and her wide eyes filled with tears. Mine filled, again. Kellie knew Liana too. This was a monumental moment we were witnessing.
I read their correspondence later, as tears streamed down my cheeks. It is too personal to share. It will take time for these long lost siblings to get reacquainted. Roma told me he is too emotional to talk about finding Liana right now. He informed me that this was HIS story to share, not mine. I agreed to wait until he gave me permission. He trusts me to honor this sacred event in his life. But as we talked about it, he realized it is a story, like some many he has lived, that must be shared. I have cried for days over Roma’s and Liana fresh, tender, and raw grief and joy. THIS is Sacred.
I knew Roma would not, could not, answer Liana’s many questions. I opened my own VK.com account and friended my dear young friend. For hours, I shared photos with her, she with me. I answer her questions as best I can with a flawed translation system. She is as lovely as Roma described her over the years.
A few days later, another relative contacted me. Roma’s father’s cousin. We are getting acquainted now, which brings me such joy. Also a former neighbor who knew Roma when he was little, telling me how fondly she remembered little Roma. I have seen his two precious nephews, ages five and seven. Roma was taken from his home at age five. The last time Liana saw Roma, he was seven. How great is our God who, after Liana lost two little brothers, gave her two little sons.
Now the process begins to get to know Roma’s past. Perhaps we will find youngest brother, Rostilav. Please pray for our families as we build bridges!
So many issues of adoption involve matters of “identity.” I thank God, for He has restored Roma’s identity. Not only is he a Beloved child of the Most High God, and us, but once again, even though 13 years and almost 6000 miles separate them, he is a treasured little brother of Liana!
Praise be to God.
Liana gave me permission to use her photos for this blog. Isn’t she beautiful?
Continue this story here.
Consider it all JOY 