Continued from The Recurring Theme of Surrender.
After Roma gave me a tight hug and disappeared into a tunnel at the metro station on that evening in late April, 2015, he seemed lost to me. He was evasive about his plans. When friends would ask about him, I told them I had turned him over to God, and would not worry about him, because he was in capable hands. Did I really trust God? Did I believe what I claimed to believe?
One friend asked me why I didn’t just make him come home and go to the community college. I would have gladly handed him over to her, if I thought she could have made it happen. One didn’t just make twenty-year-old Roma do things. I could preserve my sanity only by allowing him his opportunity to succeed or fail. And I had to be prepared to have him fail.
What happened on this trip to Georgia, as opposed to the one a year earlier, as documented in The Hound of Heaven Winks, was hidden from me. Other than scattered texts and phone calls, I had no idea what he was doing. He wanted to do this, whatever this was, on his own, as though he had something to prove to himself. I felt God was telling me let him go. Like the father in the story of the Prodigal Son, we were powerless to save Roma from his poor choices. The only way he would learn anything was to endure consequences of his actions. “Consequences” that might ruin Roma’s life scared the daylights out of me, and I wanted to protect him from himself. But just like the father in the story Jesus told in Luke 15, we would let him go, and eagerly and with hope watch the horizon for his repentant return.
This time I didn’t have a friend like Nancy to provide updates, to take Roma to church, include him in their family events, to fill in the “mother” role in Roma’s life. Nancy, the friend God brought to Roma and me in 2014 who is introduced into our story in the scenes of the Hound of Heaven Winks series didn’t have contact with Roma this time either. Nancy and I were still very much in communication. Although we had only met once in real life, at Roma’s disorderly conduct county ordinance case in July, 2014, we were thoroughly bonded from our hundreds of private messages, texts, phone calls, etc., as we marveled at God’s activity in Roma’s life. She confirmed the decision to let Roma go by her own conviction to do the same. She had also been a safety net for Roma in Atlanta the previous year. She shared that God had also moved her to remove any protection she had provided for our sweet and clueless boy. Roma had no malice. The malady he most suffered was an immature blindness that he knew what was best for him, and he just needed an opportunity to make it happen. We recognized he was now on a dark and lonely road.
One day Roma called, excited to tell me that his path had crossed Mark’s again. Mark had taken Roma to Idaho the previous year, after meeting him less than a week earlier by Divine intervention. Those were such exciting days. Read about Mark’s entry into our story at Angel and Demon’s part one.
Later I got a call from Mark. He very much wanted to mentor Roma. God had called him to work with Russian kids. His story was similar to mine, as he too questioned God with a “God, you’ve got to be kidding” reaction to his Call. He shared his opinion that only one in ten Russian adopted kids he had encountered in his “mission work” had the potential to become a functioning members of society. And only one in twenty would have a successful, fulfilling life. He thought Roma was in the enviable “one in twenty” category, as we did. Mark was going to soon be returning to Idaho, and said, if Roma could pass a drug test, he would be happy to take him back to Idaho on his next trip.
Roma was excited to think of going with Mark on another adventure, and I was even more excited at the prospect of wise and Godly Mark mentoring Roma. When I asked him if he could pass the required drug test, he feigned shock and hurt that I would even ask the question. But I never heard any more about the trip with Mark to Idaho, so I suspect Roma knew he wouldn’t pass the test or took it and failed. I didn’t ask many questions, because I was trying to distance myself and let him suffer the blows that real life on his terms would cost him.
Not being able to place Roma under Mark’s care was a blow for me. It was hard to let him fail. I reminded myself daily, moment by moment, that I had no power to fix Roma. He didn’t want my help. He wouldn’t accept my help. He only dug his heels in deeper if I made suggestions. Turn him over, I sensed God’s gentle reminder.
Roma would occasionally send me a text or call when I wasn’t readily available. I don’t have my phone in my hand constantly like kids today do. I even turn mine off if I’m at a meeting or when I think it would be rude to answer of even check it. If much time passed for an unanswered call or text from Roma, he would send me a sad-face emoji, as if he was sad I was ignoring him, like I was neglecting him. Such a little boy in need of his mother, trying to pretend to be a man.
In mid May, 2015, he sent me a series of frantic texts that indicated he needed immediate help. By the time we got back to him for more details, he was not answering his phone. Or returning our calls. Then we got a call from the addiction treatment center he had attended in Florida the year before. The caller said he had checked himself back into treatment. By the third day I could talk to him.
I had heard of “treatment addiction,” when kids get addicted to treatment and go back when life gets challenging. Over and over. I asked his counselor about her thoughts on this. I was honest and shared my sincere opinion that when Roma hits a proverbial wall, he wants someone else to take care of him. Then he could appear as if he is taking charge, making a good decision. If he couldn’t count on his family to take care of him, even if it was his choice to refuse our help, he would take charge of the situation, and find someone who would take care of him. His counselor didn’t agree that might describe Roma. I never got many answers from him on why he went back. He expressed disdain for his roommate before his return to treatment. Had he gotten kicked out of his apartment? Was he running away from legal trouble? I had no idea what his story was this time.
He resisted my questions. I didn’t press him for answers, or force him into a corner where he would lie to me. He had signed permission to allow his counselor to share his information with me. All she ever told me was he was a model client whose updates indicated that he sailed through his thirty day treatment, was eager to share in group sessions, was a “delight” and “charming.” And “very sweet.” Yes, yes, I have noticed.
Suddenly, out of the darkness on in early June, God sent me a ray of hope. I got a phone message from Fred. Remember Fred from The Hound of Heaven Winks from May of 2014, almost a year ago, the man Roma approached, asking for money, that kicked off a series of posts I could hardly write fast enough?
“Debbie, this is Fred. I spoke to you about a year ago concerning Roma. Again God brought us together last night at a CR (Celebrate Recovery) meeting. Call me when you are available.”
Here we go again! These were the kinds of stories I had grown to expect and cherish from my relationship with God, and Roma.
Fred had gone to a CR meeting the night before, not his usual group, but one he visited occasionally. It was a large group, maybe 150 in attendance. When the hour meeting was finishing, the leader said, “Can you lead us in the Serenity Prayer . . . Roma?”
Fred reeled. Roma! He had not noticed him in the crowd. Fred found him afterwards and the two marveled again at being reconnected. Another Divine Appointment, they agreed. Fred teased Roma about being in Florida again, saying, “Please tell me you are here on vacation,” even though he suspected, as a recovering addict himself, that rehab had brought him back.
Fred approached the leader after the meeting. “This kid Roma . . . ” he told his story about how God had brought them together a year earlier.
The leader replied, “What’s interesting is I was going to call on another guy to lead the Serenity Prayer, but when I started my sentence, that guy got up to get a tissue, so I called on Roma.”
So Fred would have never know Roma was in the room if the leader had not called his name! Fred shared with me that he has never felt God direct him to a person like He has Roma. Fred has now agreed to be Roma’s sponsor in his recovery. But Fred has repeated several times, “We cannot steal the gift of desperation from him.”
Thank you, Lord, for another soldier equipped to mentor Roma!
Just because I have sensed God telling me to remove our safety net from our dear boy, doesn’t mean he is without a Safety Net. God is always present. In the details. Moving us toward Him. Having eyes to see reveals the miracles that abound.
I am confident God’s Will is always best. Sometimes we wonder, as I did with the act of adoption, just how painful God’s best will turn out to be. But I am learning, slowly, that I don’t expect nearly enough. I don’t dream BIG. I am so easily satisfied, and often oblivious to ‘God’s miracles.
I am reminded of C. S. Lewis’ popular quote:
“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot image what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are too easily pleased.”
Lord, please give us all eyes to see the miracles, and teach us to dream BIG!
Continue with Roamin’ Roma
Consider it all JOY 
