Chapter 31

“The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That’s the deal.”

C.S. Lewis

            We needed to make those final arrangements that no parent ever intends to plan. We scheduled Roma’s visitation for Sunday, December 13, and his Celebration of Life the next morning, December 14. “Celebration” seemed to fit Roma’s life better than the connotation of “funeral.”
            To select music, I turned to Roma’s Atlanta “mother,” Nancy. Roma had attended church with Nancy’s family during the summer of 2014, after God connected Nancy and me, as only He can do. I love to remember that season of miracles. Once God had opened my eyes to see, evidence of His activity was everywhere.

Nancy had gifted Roma a trip to Passion, the Christian conference for 18–25-year-olds in Atlanta, in January 2015. She had taken him to a David Crowder concert. She had welcomed him into her family and took seriously her God-given assignment of showing Roma the love of Jesus. Nancy had seen Roma worship as I had never had the privilege to witness. She would know what music moved him. I sent her a message before we left for our appointment at the funeral home.

Afterwards we stopped by our church to put the date for the event, December 14, on the church calendar. When we entered the office, the entire staff seemed to be congregated there, and a new wave of tears came on both sides of the desks.

Seeing Carmen reminded us that we wanted her to sing at the service. She agreed eagerly. I told her we were waiting for Nancy’s suggestions. I knew I wanted Ten Thousand Reasons, by Matt Redman to be sung. It was a song Roma introduced to me, and he often sang it around the house. If Roma could sing it with his three-note range, it was probably appropriate for the rest of us melodically-challenged folks to sing. Carmen could handle something more challenging for her solo, with her beautiful and powerful voice. I told her I would send the options Nancy suggested when we got home. Arriving home, I checked my email, and Nancy had sent not only several recommendations, but also Roma’s reactions to the songs that she herself had witnessed:
           

“He LOVED The Revelation Song by Kari Jobe. He told me it was his favorite of all songs and that it brought him to his knees every time. He also shared that it made him cry and touched his soul. We played it in the car all the time! Oh my, now I’m in tears again!!! 

Also Debbie, Come As You Are by David Crowder, that song meant so much to him. He cried when we went to the David Crowder concert and Crowder sang it. And God’s Great Dance Floor by Chris Tomlin. Roma would dance and clap. There was such joy in him when he heard this song. Even So Come, Passion CD from last year, oooh, how Roma worshiped when they played it.

I know he’s with Jesus and that makes my heart leap for joy, but this is so much harder than I expected. I loved him Debbie, and I will miss him terribly.

Who but God himself could have sent Roma and me such a friend as Nancy?

I thanked her and was overcome with gratitude that Nancy knew and loved Roma so well. 

I stayed at the computer before I was distracted away and sent Carmen an email, copying and pasting Nancy’s suggestions, along with her commentary about Roma’s reactions to each song.

Bruce called me two hours later, asking if I had sent the email, because Carmen never received it.

She shared with Bruce that, while awaiting my email, they practiced Ten Thousand Reasons several times, to be prepared to lead the congregation. Then she checked her emails a few more times with nothing from me. They tried to anticipate other songs that might be possibilities, choosing The Revelation Song without any knowledge that it was our first choice.

When Bruce walked into the church, they were practicing it. He assumed they had gotten my email with the information. He was overcome with tears. Then Carmen told him she had never received my email and was just anticipating some possibilities.

Why hadn’t she received it?  From my “sent” folder, I resent it, confirming the original time I sent it the first time, two hours earlier. The curious thing was that as Bruce walked into the church, Carmen, being accompanied by one of Roma’s peers, Emily, was singing Revelation Song, not yet knowing it was Roma’s favorite and the song we would be asking her to sing. I could feel God’s presence so keenly.

Nancy’s other choices we would use for the slideshow created for the visitation. I wanted to listen to each song to choose only three, as suggested by the funeral director.  I started typing into the search bar. “God’s” and suddenly “Great Dance Floor” automatically filled in on the search bar, complete with “Chris Tomlin.” How strange. Only one word, a common word, “God’s,” and the rest filled in automatically.

The next song on Nancy’s list was Come as You Are, by David Crowder. Surely a word as common as “come” would have lots of hits. But again, the exact thing happened. I typed the first word, “Come,” and the rest filled in, “As You Are,” by David Crowder.

One more. I tried Even So, Come, and after typing “Even,” like the other times, the rest of the title filled itself in on the search bar with the name of the artist Nancy had sent me.In a week of unspeakable grief, I also had joy. I was astounded at the closeness of God in my hour of darkness. His promise never to leave me was such a comfort. He made Himself visible to me and to others.

I tried typing in those first words later in the day to show Bruce how it happened, but there was no repeat performance. I’ve tried since, and it never happened again. But that week in December 2015, I had my eyes eagerly open for miracles, and God was showing off.

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Continue with Chapter 32